Bi And The City III: Frexes

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Assuming some of your Friday night dates have gone well, some must have lead into relationships. Assuming again that some of these relationships have gone sour, they have lead to the inevitable “frexes”. What is “frexes” you ask?

Exes that you have decided to keep in your life as friends. Frexes cannot entirely be put into the friends category and are not “just another Ex” either. Frexes are people you still care about deeply but just don’t share that sexual lust you once did – the lesbian death bed – or you just thought, somewhere along the way, that you just better stay friends. Or rather, stay frexes.

There are many important decisions to take once you have decided to keep a frex. How often should you see each other? How much of my new-found freedom of dating should I divulge to them? And the ultimate is: Can we have sex one more time?
Situations you might want to avoid to when dealing with a frex:

1- Drunk situations
2- On a new date
3- On a new date with one of her/his exes

So let us deal with the first question, how often should you see your ex? The transition from lovers to friends is extremely touchy and difficult but once you have decided to keep that person as a frex, this is a transition you’re going to have to go through. Every couple is different, but the most suitable transition I have found from my experiences is to cool off at the beginning for a while, and then start building a friendship base as time goes on. If the Ex decides to go psycho-ass on you at any point of this plan.

How much of your dating experiences can you divulge to them? Some of you might be excited at the beginning to solidify your friendship basis by saying something like “Oh My god, I just met the cutest girl last night!” followed by “what do you think I should do?” Ok so here is what you should do: Shut up. It is preferred not to say this until you have built the friendship base, and it’s preferred never to say this, if that girl is her ex!

Can we have sex one more time? It’s really easy with exes to fall into this pattern. Saying things like “One more time won’t hurt anyone, to the contrary, this is goodbye sex” I say: Who the hell came up with this ridiculous idea of goodbye sex? We said goodbye because we stopped having sex! And the following excuses: “It’s just so comfortable,” “they already know what I like,” “they were available and they became that much sexier when we broke up.” Most of us have probably done this, but can you really think back to doing that and still think “yes, it really helped solidify our friendship?” Again, the best move here would just be to try not to fall into this trap. If it does happen once, make sure it doesn’t happen again, we’re human after all (Contrary to wider belief).

From the excitement of the first date to the bitter sweet end of the relationship, bi, straight, or gay, we all feel the same excitement, happiness and sorrow. At the end of the day, we are all just asking for that certain someone who shares our understanding of life and willingness to share the future with us. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently yes, sometimes, but don’t give up hope , as the great Geri Halliwel once said “ It’s raining men” and somewhere I have yet to find out , it’s raining women too!

Contributed by Bi-Carrie.

Guest Contributor

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