If Only You Could See Me

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Why am I blocked? Out of words? Unable to describe?

What is it with me that I am looking at a blank page not being able to put down words to describe “my mother?” Shouldn’t it be easy to say “I love you mum” or “happy mother’s day?” But when it comes down to me right now I should probably say “why don’t you see me?”

If you are reading this please do not get me wrong. I have love for my mum she gave me life but during the process I grew distant and cold.

My mum has gone through shit in her life dealing with a careless husband who decided to leave his family and never look back. He left her to struggle on her own, and me, I grew up to witness that, seeing what she went through. I decided to fight for her and change things. I SAW her but she, she just couldn’t SEE me.
I witnessed the nights she used to cry out of pain and her feelings of being hopeless and powerless. I saw that, but she just couldn’t SEE me.

My mum was always submissive to the idea of my father. She always allowed him to control her life even when he wasn’t around. I always tried to change that. I always saw her as beautiful, independent, strong-spirited. I tried to release her voice because I saw the person she really was, but she just couldn’t SEE me.
And for your mum not being able to see you and accept you for who you are, for your mum whose struggles you have witnessed and whom you loved not being able to see past the physical, not being able to look deep into your spirit, to acknowledge your own existence, your wants and needs, your hopes and dreams, for her trying to set you in a certain stereotype that fits society, and make her not face “what people say” trying to sacrifice YOU for social acceptance, for her to do that is just painful and disappointing.

She is not only submissive herself but she is making you also try to lose yourself.

So for mother’s day all I can say to my mum is “Happy Mother’s Day If only you could SEE me.”

Contributed by Aladdin


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