Islamic School

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I spent 13 years of my life in an all-girls private Islamic school.

I was raised in an Islamic home, and taught of my Islamic background and history, taught to follow and obey it.

I spent 13 years walking down those school halls feeling alienated… I had no one to turn to, no one to talk to, and no one to confide in; I was surrounded by my religion… I guess you can say that being home was slightly the same; I had family love and comfort but still, it was the same religious drill daily: pray 5 times a day, and obey your God…

I grew up thinking I was wrong, that I was a “living sin.” But a part of me always wondered, “How could that be? I’ve done nothing wrong! I’m human just like everyone else!” My constantly scanning classrooms, analysing peering eyes, looking for any sign of familiarity, for a sense of comfort… was fruitless, all I found was a feeling of misplacement…

I used to sit in class admiring her shining eyes, trying to steal whiffs of her sweet scent, and though I knew I shouldn’t look, I just couldn’t help myself. I was mesmerised. Her long glittering chocolate hair sweeping across her shoulders, every step she took was effortlessly elegant; she would just glide across the marble floor… The words she uttered were music to my ears, but she was off limits – seriously off limits: I mean come on, my ‘Islamic studies’ teacher, could I have possibly made my young confused life any harder?

She caught me staring. We locked eyes. I couldn’t look away. I felt her look right through me. She walked up to me, and bent her knees until we were face to face. She moved closer, then she whispered “You know it’s not polite to stare.”

As she moved away, I caught a glimpse of her smile.

Finally, a sign that I was not evil! She smiled; that’s all it took, human kindness!

I’m not wrong. I’m not an alien. I walk on the same ground you walk on. Homosexuality is a human trait. I’m human!!!

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