Ducking the Suitors

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As if it wasn’t challenging enough to be a woman in this country, I had to be gay too.  As if the gods did not find it funny enough that I had to be reminded of the fact that I was twenty-five, unwed with no prospects of having a hoard of frolicking kids in the horizon anytime soon, or the fact that anything I do that may resemble any form of “fun” is damaging to my “reputation” and, therefore, will reflect badly on my entire family (including cousins and second cousins); all that, and I had to be gay too. Gee, thanks gods.

You see, when you (and by “you”, I mean “I”) are caught in this particular conundrum, you can’t really explain to your parents why you have been strategically and systematically refusing every single love-struck (and sometimes duty-struck) suitor that has come often too willingly knocking on your door asking your hand in marriage, can you now? The explanation you should be giving (for your own sanity) is, “Mother, you know I love you, but I’m as gay as a cowboy in a hootnanny!” Of course, you probably should have the 140 Red Cross number on speed dial, just in case.

But the explanations you are giving should be a dead giveaway that the male gender, in all its gloriousness and infinite contributions to the world, does, in fact, do absolutely nothing for you but provide good company and sometimes much-needed camaraderie.

Mother: So what’s wrong with this one? He’s 32! That’s the perfect age for you; you know that girls your age will never have suitors this young. You’ve been lucky so far! How long before you realize that your best years are passing you by with all these lost opportunities?

You: Mom, seriously. Did you see this guy’s nails? They were so brittle and strange! And his hair, I mean please, his barber must really hate him for that haircut!

And that episode ends with your mother looking crest-fallen and heart-broken, while the truth remains a very well-kept secret.

Like every closet lesbian in this country, I dream that one day I can come out to my family and find nothing but support and acceptance from their side. I dream of family Sunday luncheons with my woman on my side, welcomed by my society and most importantly, my family (which includes cousins and second cousins). But, alas, to this day, I have yet to cast down my façade of heterosexuality. Would that day ever come?

Contributed by Kay

Guest Contributor

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