Skinny Jeans

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When I saw that TV ad, telling women you should lose weight to be
happier and feel better, I convinced myself that I’m not a happy
person, I should change, I should become that woman in the ad, she
looks really happy, so I started my weightloss journey, it was so
hard, mentally and physically, but I did it, I lost around 40 lb, yay
for me right? Not really!

Today I tried my old jeans on, they were very big, it made me feel really
happy, like I’ve done it, I lost all the weight I was carrying around,
all the hurtful comments I heard as a little girl, all the looks, the
finger pointing, all the tears, and above all, I lost my parents’
pressure to look “normal”.

I opened my closet and got my new skinny jeans, I bought it to reward
myself for my hard work, but the sad thing was that I could barely get in it
– not because I was fat, because it’s too damn skinny-  but after some
jumping and stretching, I got it in! Woohoo it was a big
success to me, It fits! but In a weird way this didn’t make me smile,
or feel proud that I could fit into it, I waited for this moment for
so long, and now here I am crying on my bed, its not like I imagined
it will be at all.

Trying to fit into these skinny jeans made me remember all the times I
went shopping for a plus size one, and when I didn’t find any, I used to tear
up in the dressing room with the jeans up to my knees refusing to go
higher, and now here I am pulling the skinny jeans up like I used to
do before all the weight I lost, and it got stuck at my knees too.

Now I wonder was it worth to lose all that weight, I still am the same
person, I still have the same feelings of desperation and
uselessness, and I certainly still have low self-esteem, nothing has
changed, the ads promised me to be happier, outgoing, and enjoy
life more, well nothing of that sort happened to me, it was all a big fat


Contributed by Amanya47

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