Dear “Mom”

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Dear “Mom,”

I know we never had a good relationship; you never really understood me, we barely communicated, and you were not my favorite parent. It would be idealistic if I apologize now for all those years that we didn’t bond just because it’s mother’s day. But I wouldn’t want to be hypocritical.

I never thought of sharing what I felt or what I’m going through with you, but since it’s mother’s day I thought I can share this much. I’m sorry if it is negative! I really don’t mean to attack you.

I wish you loved yourself and your body. The past years would’ve been more colorful and maybe I would’ve learnt from you how to appreciate myself and feel beautiful.

I wish you would understand that I didn’t “choose to be gay because I was always trying to be special” but rather that I was special because I have always been gay.

I wish you had made me feel ok about myself. I’m not that bad.

I wish you would know that some women have been more motherly, in the few minutes I’ve met them, than you have been in the 23 years that I’ve known you.

I wish you would know that I truly believe you are a really nice person, but I don’t think you make a good mom.

I wish you would know that I haven’t been calling you and dad because I’m afraid of loving you again. I still remember how you both rejected me. I’ve been having a hard time forgiving you.

Lastly, I wish you would accept me the way I am with all my imperfections, for I have put tremendous effort to accept you the way you are.

With some form of love,
SuQun

Tags: letter, Mother's day