Bi and the City II

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Check out the first part of “Bi and the City” here.

The second date

At this point we have surpassed the very risky first date and ended up at the second. The most important concept going through my head is probing, yes, probing. How much can I probe into their past? How much probing into my past should I accept? And really, exactly how much probing is acceptable?

Let’s say I’m with the girl now, I would pretend to probe. Why pretend? Let me tell you. Initially, on the first date, I would have thought of the chart (“The L Word” chart, except localized). If you’re an active member of the community, you pretty much know 90% of her exes. This is where the pretending begins, you don’t want to seem like you know too much. Knowing “too many” or “too much” in this community lowers your Lesbanese market value. It would go something like this:

Girl: So I just ended it with x, you don’t know her do you?

Me: What’s her name again? Ah x, umm, no, not really. Just barely.

Reality: This one time, at a party, when I was drunk, I hit on her. I think we danced, and then I stalked her the next day on facebook.

Girl: What about you, weren’t you with y?

Me: Yeah, until about 6 months ago, we just became different people and decided to go our different ways.

Reality: That loser cheated on me with her ex.

Since she’s an active member of the community, she’s, of course, heard about this three hours after it had happened, but again, she would be here, on our date, pretending not to know.

Pretending the right amount in this situation would probably lead to a 3rd date.

As for the guy, the key here is not to accept too much probing into your own past. He just might not understand what being in a Lesbanese relationship constitutes. After a long wait, he pops the question he most wants to ask, casually of course, and it would go something like this:

Guy: So, you said you used to date girls, huh? What was that like?

Me: Yeah, it was fun, great, so architecture, really interesting, huh?

Keeping it vague, hoping I would take his question sexually:

Guy: So what would you do?

Me: You know this, that. Just like any couple really.

With a lot of push and pull, just releasing the right information but not too much, would be a great second date.

Again, of course, just try to be yourself and let the conversation flow with the alcohol. Nobody is the same, and we always go on that second date hoping that spark we felt on the first will live on. And, maybe just maybe this time we have found the one we want to spend the next two years with (let’s be realistic).


Contributed Bi Carrie.


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