Ex Excess: How much is Enough?

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“We’re still gonna be friends, right?”

Riiight….Shoot me!

Feel free to start a “natural” disaster fund by collecting a single US dollar for every time you believed in your heart that was actually going to come true. The Haitians will laugh at you, but they’ll gladly accept the help.

Let’s not relish on the drama. You meet a nice, attractive girl. You date for a couple of months and then you reach a common realization that you two are not meant for each other. Naturally, had you checked your horoscope compatibility when you first met her, you could have avoided such a situation. But assuming no harm is done, you both get over yourselves and enjoy your new friendship.

You’ve met another girl. A fairytale has come to life. The prayers that left bruises on your knees… the wishlist you burnt on that full moon. Mother Earth has finally responded. You cuddle up naked in bed, fighting over who has the prettiest eyes; “ente.. la’ ente!”1. You make her favorite pizza from scratch and get flour over your perfectly styled hair. You’re actually happy doing it!

She sweeps you off your feet with her femme-inist revolution. She deems your favurite t-shirt “tacky” and stashes it at the back of your closet. She condemns your chubbiness to exile. You’re quite fond of her initiative but you start to feel Mother Earth’s roots wrapping around your neck. She starts to become absent. She lies. The autumn winds have set on your relationship. You watch it wither away helplessly. You break up. You fall apart. Tinkerbell departs on an extended vacation. You grip to the wings of you love story as you’re crashing down. Fairytales always have a happy ending! The bedsheets hook you back together for another attempt of keeping the love alive.

And then she betrays the fairytale. Eve has sinned once more.

The tears run dry.

And, once they have, she asks: “Have you never felt any love for me so that you cannot shed a tear?”

I spurt words of poison in her face and betray all sympathy I ever had for her. I press her emotional buttons like a proficient pianist. I play every symphony to perfection.

I, too, have sinned.

In the aftermath, I’m left to my thoughts. As I cool down, I realize that words can be more hurtful than actions. I struggle between feelings of remorse and satisfaction. I have strayed from the path of love and compassion I attempt to adhere to. I seek to forgive myself for what I said, her, for what she did. I wonder how the fairytale turned into a lesbian drama episode. The horoscopes didn’t lie, they said it could be “a match made in heaven – or hell”. We conquered both. I turn the TV on.

I wonder how the tables turned for me to become as guilty as she was. Is there a way of un-doing the harm?

I ponder if it’s possible at all to have a healthy friendship with an ex after delving into such deep emotions. Is it feasible or it is a mere illusion? And, if so, what’s the time span required to achieve a real friendship?

As I sit and nibble on my dark minted chocolate , Meredith Grey2’s words echo into my head, “Whoever invented happily ever after should have his ass kicked… so hard!”

1- You do… No, you do
2- Main character on Grey’s Anatomy

Phoenix is a self-centered and sarcastic soul incarnated, perhaps by accident, in the bodi of a woman. As a writer with a temper, she replaces her "y's with an annoying “i” for aesthetical purposes and lives to crack a joke, at the expense of others. Her paranoid nature makes her sensitive to plants, animals and people. Ironicalli, after making fun of the Meem lesbians for years, she found a warm home there and is now renowned as its veri own emotional pest. She enjoys reading the paper with a hot cup of black tea while nude, more often than not.

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