I can’t orgasm when having sex with my girlfriend. I love her and I love the sex though – I really do. And she seems to be having a good time. But every time, I end up faking an orgasm and I haven’t talked to her about it. I’m worried she will find out I’m faking and get upset and I really don’t want her to because I really love having sex with her. What should I do?
It seems that you actually know what an orgasm is, so I’m going to assume you’re not having problems orgasming generally – like when you’re masturbating, for example. So we can deduce that there is something wrong with this sexual relationship in particular. You say you love the sex though, which is weird because it doesn’t make you cum. That means it must actually be good and you must love being with her. My only remaining option then is that you care more about her pleasure than about yours. In fact, this is quite common in lesbian relationships. Sometimes, our insecurities drive us to obsess about pleasing the other person sexually that we don’t take the time to experience our own pleasure. Perhaps you think she will be happier with you if she doesn’t have to worry about you orgasming. Perhaps you worry that you take too long to orgasm or that there are only particular things that get you off that you haven’t tried with her yet. Whatever it is, the answer is definitely psychological. I would recommend that you talk to your partner about it. But if you don’t want to (and I understand if you don’t) then you should definitely start making some changes in the bedroom. Start by focusing on yourself for a change. During foreplay, focus on the things that make you feel good. If you are having a good time, she will most likely have a good time too. Remember that. It’s okay if you need a little more time or some different moves to orgasm. Take the time & switch to the positions you want. She will be happy to adjust to your desires and if she’s not, then she’s a really bad sex partner and you should dump her ass – not hump it.
Ask Lazizi is a new weekly advice column. Email your questions on love, sex, relationships, or anything you feel like to the very wise Lebanese lesbian Lazizi on