A Tribute to Her

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tributeGrowing up the words “gay, lesbian, homosexual” were never relevant to me, never meant anything really, but I found myself strangely attracted to any conversation, movie, book on this subject. I thought it was just an interest , a passion to explore and know more.

I always felt different though, needed to spend time with my female teachers, preferred to slumber party with girlfriends instead of hanging out with my so called boyfriend. I always felt different and never allowed myself to explore or dig deeper – always out of fear.

And then the day came when I was 18 and I had to leave my country and go away to college. My first choice was Lebanon, and I chose to study psychology (perhaps in an attempt to know myself more). I went there with a promise of a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who was also going away to college in another country.

For the first time in my life, I was independent, completely on my own. And that’s when I met her… the cutest, smartest, funniest girl ever, we became close and I thought that for the first time in my life I had really found a best friend.

We spent so much time together, and had so much in common. It wasn’t until Christmas break that I had to come back home for 15 days, and the pain of missing her was unbearable. In a candid way, we were texting each other and suddenly admitted that we wanted to be together. I didn’t understand what was going on, and I don’t think she did either at the time, but all I know is that I couldn’t wait to see her again.

And see her again, I did. With her headphones on, facing the window, I couldn’t see anyone in that room but her. People were talking to me, but all I could hear was the sound of my heart beating. I walked over and hugged her and never felt so complete. She kissed me in a garden, and for the first time in my life, my head was spinning: I kissed a girl! And I couldn’t be happier.

Ever since that moment, I became intensely involved in anything concerning gay activism. And I still consider those times as my golden days. I was with someone I loved, doing something that meant a lot to me. And most importantly, I was with myself for the first time.

Today, and now that I am back home, 5 years later,  I lost it all. But I still find one way or another to feel like I am part of it.

This is a tribute to Her, who is definitely reading this… to Her, who remained one of the closest people to my heart, in spite of all the distance and time!

This is a thank you to my sweet chocolate chip. Without you, I would have never found myself.

Contributed by Kat

Guest Contributor

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