The chronicles of censorship: a dildo quest
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Dear diaries;
And there was one time, in Beirut streets, when I met “the killer,” “the exterminator,” “the fluffy purple vibrator” and a lot of other friends! Yes, I’m talking about dildos, vibrators and strap-ons, in the alleys and backrooms of Beirut shops. Let me tell you how that went.
A few days ago, a bunch of friends and I decided we needed to replenish our supplies of sex toys and we got sick and tired of begging people who travel a lot to bring us dildos with them, with all the risk involved in getting them through customs at the airport. Therefore, we decided we had no choice but to uncover the underground gift shops of Beirut.
My partner, being the geek she is, made a list of all the shops she found online, and my other friend told us about a few shops she knew about, and so we went.
Shop 1 was a good start, the seller was positive, acted normal, took us to the backroom where she unleashed what I called the “iron gladiator” -a vibrator made out of iron- and a bunch of sexy toys for costume lovers, and told us that they stopped bringing these stuff, because it was too expensive to get them through customs, so they had to sell them for $300 and 400$.
Shops 2, 3 and 4 didn’t even know what “adult section” was and I decided not to explain. Others stuttered, sweated, turned red, looked at the ground and said: “No! We don’t have any!!!”
Shop 5 was interesting because when I went in and saw the nice lady who looked like my 5th grade teacher sitting at the counter, I was too hesitant to ask, but then a young man popped out of nowhere, and asked me: “How can I help you?” Thinking I was saved by the dude, I asked him if they have an adult section. Suddenly, he started laughing like when you say “boob” in front of a 5 year-old, turned red and asked: “What do you mean by ‘adult section?’” I replied: “Over 18, toys, things that adults use!” So he snored with a nervous laughter and told me that they didn’t have any. At that moment, a nice girl came over and said: “Well, we used to have an adult section but we closed it,” and she gave me the names of 3 shops where I can find adult sections. Such a sweetheart, I thanked her and thought to myself: “You’re the dildo angel, may heavens bless you with a multiple orgasm tonight. “
We went into shop 6 by accident, just following our hunch; for some reason, it looked suspicious, so I went in alone, asked again about the adult section, and the woman turned red, stuttered and then she said “follow me.” I followed her to an upstairs room where you have to do a trick to turn the light on and there they were: 7 kinds of strap-ons , vibrators, nipple stimulators… It was the first time in my life that I see that many sex toys in one box. I was happy but, for some reason, she was too shy to stay, so she left me in the room to choose. I made up jokes in my head about each and every one of them but I had to go bring the friends in, and so the 4 of us came back in while the shopkeeper had a family buying stuff. When she saw me again she turned yellow this time, gave us a bag and told us to choose whatever we wanted, strap-ons are for $150 vibratos are for $100 (just in case you’re wondering). As we got what needed and left, the women had the most relieved look on her face I had ever seen.
There was one more shop to do, but this time out of curiosity, and there I met the$70 purple vibrator which, according to the saleswoman, you can use as a strap-on. I thought these women were cool, until my friend -who happens to be a dyke- walked in… Well, you should’ve seen the look on their faces!
It didn’t take someone like me or my friends a lot of guts to go talk openly about sex toys with people, but I cannot describe how hilarious the looks on people’s face were, and how the alleys and backrooms made me feel like I am in one of those X-Files episodes, where anything can happen at any time.
This article is getting too long already, so I won’t tell you how my day ended, and how the pharmacist reacted when he saw me so comfortably buying condoms, but I cannot forget his face when he tried to wrap my condoms with 5 bags and a black bag, as if he wanted to cover my sinful act, and I asked him: “shu Kotex?”
By Magenta the horny lesbian
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