What would happen?
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What would happen if all we used to do lost all sense of logic? What if we discovered that all that we had done is just Wrong?!
Life, as it’s created or as it’s found, doesn’t really make any sense, at least not for me; it just starts hopping from one corner to another. One moment, you would say that life is fair enough and that Mother Earth gave us all that we need, but the next moment of your life just blows your mind away and you would start hallucinating with nonsense words. Is it an illusion in our minds, or is it a fantasy?
When I was about seven or eight, a boy at school told me that girls don’t have willies. Why he felt the need to tell me, I don’t know, but I filed it away in my memory under the heading “interesting but not immediately relevant information.”
Well, Freud never suggested how small boys and girls could know they were different by the presence or absence of a penis. Clearly, every male and female child experiences their genital organs as part of their body map and the feelings they arouse. Thus, they may behave as a boy but, without a basis for comparison, how do they know they’re not a girl, and vice versa? This was in an era when people rarely undressed fully, even for sex, and certainly not in front of children. Many would even keep their underclothes on to bathe. Not all children had little sisters or brothers, and this was the age of total propriety, when well-bred young ladies did not even look too closely at the ‘baser’ parts of flowers, the pistils and stamens.
As for me, I was always raised as boy, but without consciously analyzing it, I always kept thinking about who I really am; a girl who feels that she needs to play with other girls. A girl who might like to watch a soccer game but never really liked to play. She dressed like boys but she always kept a feminine touch in her clothes; she chose the pink shirt and the cute shoes at the store. And, like any other parent, my mom would always say: “sho faker 7alak benet?” and I’d say: “Yeah, Mom, I think I’m a girl,” but not in a loud voice of course.
All that time passed me by and I always kept in my mind that I didn’t want that lifestyle; I wanted to be myself, not what other wanted me to be.
As a teenager, and as all boys should, I had to be strict in everything I do and be very careful about it. When I’d go out with my friends, they’d all choose a girl to be their “gf” but I never did, no one ever thought that I wasn’t attracted to girls. They just thought I was too shy to talk to one, even though I wasn’t.
And as soon I’d go back home, to my room, I’d just bury my face in the soft pillow and start to cry.
All I want is to wear that girl’s cute dress. I wanna let my hair grow really long, I want a manicure and have those cute thin eyebrows. I wanna have my room painted pink and I wanna kiss that cute guy.
As the days went by, the girl inside me started to rise and I discovered what I really wanted, through the Internet, friends and all those articles I had read.
That’s why I made the decision to try and be a girl in public for the first time. I never thought about it, I just wanted to see myself with respect to all other people who didn’t know me for sure.
I did it again and again, and, for the past several months, I’ve been dressing up and going out every Saturday to that nightclub where all “transsexual” people and homosexual guys go.
After all that, now I’m asking myself: Is what I really want, really what I need?? Well, I think so, but I’m not sure society would accept it.
DO You accept it?? I don’t think so but you should give it a try!!
contributed by MIMI 
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