Bi and the City
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First Dates
The joke goes like this: A bisexual is twice as likely to get a date on Friday night. This may be true, but the problem is what happens after you “get” a date. So here I am on Friday night, getting ready for yet another date. I think for a moment about the person I’m about to meet. If it’s a guy, my trail of thought goes something like this: How would I be able to differentiate this guy from the rest of the macho guys out there and when is the right time to say ‘Oh, hey, BTW, I date girls too?’’ I prepare some questions to sneak into the conversation and see what happens from there and hope this is indication enough. As for the girl, I would start by imagining the lesbian chart. Yes, ladies, The L Word Chart. So how am I really connected to this girl and how many of her exes/best friends have I dated? You wouldn’t want to go into your first date having already dated two or more of her exes or any of her best friends for that matter! Nonetheless, I’d be excited about my dates either way.
Heading out with my guy date, we’ve already picked a place, conveniently positioned as far away from the gay pubs, passing by Obladi where waving to 10 girls would send off alarm bells for sure. As the drinks flow, the conversation begins to pick up and I begin to wonder if this is the time to start off with my questions. I begin to ask what he thinks of the feminist movement in Lebanon. Usually this is a big indicator – at least to me – whether a guy tends to be open-minded. If all goes well, I start to slowly indicate that I have a lot of gay friends and am a big supporter of gay rights till this ends with: ‘And, oh, yeah, I was in a serious relationship with a girl and still date girls.’ Different answers have gone something like this:
- Guy 1: By serious, you mean you slept together?
- Um, yes.
- But how?
By the time he’s done with the second question, I’ve already planned to bring this date to an end.
- Guy 2: So you’re a lesbian?
- I’m here with you, aren’t I?
- Yeah.
- So that makes me bisexual.
- Ah.
Having noticed his slowness, I juggle with two options: To educate him more on bisexuals or just simply not bother.
Heading out with my female date, the same rule applies about picking a place far away from the gay pubs but for different reasons.1- You don’t want to run into any of your exes or hers. 2- You don’t want it to come out that you’re in a relationship with this person just yet, even though it would be your first actual date, but according to them you would already be in a relationship and have probably already cheated on each other. As the drinks flow again and the conversation picks up, I start to come out… as a bisexual that is. Many would think it would be easier to come out to a gay person as bisexual, but you would be surprised by the amount of discrimination that goes on within our community. Again different answers go like this:
- Girl 1: Aren’t you like totally disgusted by the penis?
- Um, well, it really depends on whose penis it is, but no, not really.
When the penis has a whole identity by itself, you know it’s time to leave.
- Girl 2: Oh, yeah, I dated guys when I was 9 and 10 before I came out.
- But I still date them.
- But you’re out now. You don’t have to pretend anymore!
I think to myself: ‘How can I pretend there’s an emergency and that I just must leave!’
On a more serious note, most of my dates usually don’t go bad really. The one surprising element in both is the similarities: The excitement at the beginning, worrying about how they would accept or react to my bisexuality, the lack of knowledge about bisexuality with both genders and finally the relief and excitement when they do get it.
There are no different criteria for what should happen before or during the date, the only criterion is to really be yourself and honest with how you identify. Honesty and self-acceptance do pay off at the end.
Here’s to more Friday night dates!
- Contributed Bi Carrie
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