Shou Hel She?

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Bi nhar ma fiyo daw amar (nhar ktir tabi3e), re7et 3al jem3a ta etsajjal bi tene semestre ele.Ana w natra bel couloir, bchouf 7ada tali3 3al daraj w jeye sawbe… 7ada ma bye5las ad manno tawil. 7ada… eh 7ada, mich chabb w wala benet, la2anno hayda l 7ada men la7zit yalli chefto 3eneleh kel chi bi 7ayete. (Baynetna: hayde benet)

Honeh deghre bes2al rfi2eh “min Hel She??”

Hmmm Hel She byetla3 cha5es ken mawjoud bi 5ele2te bel saff kil yom la 6 months w ana mich ech3eto.

Honeh byeje khayna cupid byetda5al bya3mil 3amelto w bi wa2e3ne bi Hel She w bi fell.

W ma3 el 3elem, ken ele 18 sene 3ayche w ma b7ayete 7asset bi tendancy lal banet.

Kenet mfakra 7ale straight. Straight la daraje 3melet jami3 l tourou2 la et2arrab men Hel She. Straight la daraje re7et 3al beit mabsouta w 3am 5abbir mom 3an Hel She. Straight la daraje mom aletle “yo2souf 3omrik ma ahdamik ya mama, kel jem3a btejile bi 5abriye betda7ik” (eh ehhhhh in denial). Straight ya3ne straight as a circle.

Menel e5ir, men awal ma eltella b7ebbik, ana w hel She ma ftara2na, debna bi ba3ed… 3echna ossit 7obb 5ayeliye.

(Pause: 5ayeliye mich ya3ne 7elwe. Non, 5ayeliye ya3ne kel chi 7kito ma sar w ma ra7 ysir)

Ma3 el asaf el chadid Hel She homophobic (kech barra w b3id). Hel She 3tabarne marida w 5atye. Hel She ta7bachne bel 3arabeh l mchabra7. Hel She fasam 3laye w 2ezene ktir. Woslit ma3e ta Hel She ana3ne enne straight w enne ma b7ebbo, w ana add ma b7ebbo 2tana3et, w sa7abet ana w chabeb w dallo Hel She bi raseh. W taraket w ba3do Hel Chi bi raseh.

Then sa7abet benet la awal marra (sa7abna men meylteyn mich men meyle we7de metel 7alte ana w Hel She).

Jarrabet chil Hel She men raseh bass tse2 lel asaf kanat mou7awala jeddan fachila.

7alliyan Hel She el mez3ij ma3am yetla3 men raseh. Sarelna 4 years bi hel 7ale w bi wejj ba3ed ana w Hel She w be2ilna sene ba3ed la net5arraj w te5tefe men 7ayete ta kammil tabi3e.

Bass el 5abriye wen?? Hehehe enno Hel She ariban jeddan ra7 yen2oul bayto w ra7 nsir jiran. Ya3ne bel mabda2 Hel She mich ra7 ye5tefe bi 7ayeto men 7ayete, w Hel She ktir chi bi3azib.

{Ehde2 5ass la sadi2te yalli 3am bet3ich zet l chi ma3 el She taba3a}

Tags: Homophobia, love, personal story, self-discovery